Overlooking Offense

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I was at a meeting at our church to help mediate between two dear friends who just needed the opportunity to let God restore their hearts towards one another.

I had prepared my heart with the verse, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; It is to one’s glory to overlook an offense,” found in Proverbs 19:11, which I never even needed to pull out, since my friends both entered the room eager to make amends and restore their fellowship.

Ah, what a sweet blessing to be part of and a beautiful reconciliation to behold!

After our meeting, while still in the church building, I decided to try to find the closet where our ministry of Compassion keeps clothing for our Safe Families ministry. The closet had recently been moved, and I had no idea where to find it. My family was taking in a four-month old baby the next day, and I needed baby boy clothes for what could be a 4-8 week placement.

Finding the Pastor of Compassion, he kindly volunteered to hunt down the building services manager, while I waited nearby.

Neither of them realized that, though I couldn’t see either of them, I could overhear the conversation between their phones echoing in the hallways near where I was waiting. One of them was on a speaker: “Ok. This really isn’t a very convenient time. Doesn’t she realize we have Kids Camp going on this week?” “Yeah, I understand, and I’m sorry. Could you maybe just meet her and let her in to the storage area?” A pause. “Yeah, sure. Send her over.”

My first thought, to my shame, was indignant pride. “Here we are trying to help this single mom and take in her baby. I can’t help that I need to get some of the clothes we keep here for this very purpose, and that they’re kept behind locked doors. The baby is coming tomorrow.”

“It is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.”

The verse that I had taken note of to share earlier with my friends popped into my mind.

I felt embarrassed. Of course I should have thought of the fact that the Building Services crew were probably overworked with tons of extra jobs with over 1,000 kids doing their fun activities all over the building.

What if that was the verse my brother in Christ was thinking of regarding me, and what probably appeared as my own selfish insensitivity? He didn’t know about the baby coming into our home. He had no idea how our ministry worked; that the clothing I needed was in bins behind locked doors, to which he held the key.

He was helping me out by opening the door, and rather than seeing it from his perspective, I had been consumed with my own.

“It is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” How often could we put this verse to use just within the space of a day? Many times, for sure! Assuming the best of one another, not seeking to find offense in the minor things that Satan would love to use to divide us. Being willing to overlook unintended ‘offenses’…it is to one’s glory not to focus on those and needlessly squeeze hurt from them.

God’s humor wasn’t lost on me as I thought about how I had readied my mind with that verse, intending to use it as a word of counsel for my friends, finding instead that God used it for my own heart that needed correcting!

“Forgive me, Lord, for my heart that is so selfish and easily offended. Please help me to more readily overlook offense, and to be grateful for those that overlook my offenses against them, too. In the power and precious Name of Your Son, Jesus, I ask, Amen.”

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The Fruit of the Spirit in Action

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In this red-hot environment of political debate, both “sides” have fallen into pits of self-righteous indignation, having ‘clays of opinion’ that quickly harden, without allowing outside thoughts to permeate that might soften the jagged edges that have formed.

The subject matters are more numerous than there are Olympic sports; stretching from Immigration, Abortion, Taxation to National defense, Cabinet picks, Supreme Court justices and beyond. Everything’s up for battle.

The methods of dissemination vary as well: protests, arguments via volatile comment threads, op-ends, Facebook posts, Twitter jabs, late night TV skits, University rallies and, far too rarely, discussions over cups of coffee. (Best not choose Starbucks for now)

Worn and stale labels are slung like so many horseshoes, each side hoping for a ringer, while both are guilty of assumptions of understanding, without actually communicating anything fresh.

But the truth is, no one understands fully the vast majority of the problems that beset us. The issues have become far too complex and complicated; cloaked in controversiality and beyond human reasoning.

Oh sure- I can say that I stand on God’s standard when I stand against such a thing as abortion. (And frankly, I do believe that). But my friend, with equal claim to the grace of God through the blood of Christ, stands just as adamantly for the legitimacy of organizations such as Black Lives Matter, citing past wrongs that caused the formation of such a group to begin with.

Who is “right”, and who is “wrong”? And who gets to decide? And what to do with the umpteen other topics, some that intertwine like bowls of spaghetti, confusing and chaotic? On principle I believe we all have the right to our opinions on many matters if based on the framework of God’s Word. But where does that get us as far as actually persuading anyone?

Certainly I would like to think that every human being could agree that a recent example, a woman, a teacher of pre-schoolers, no less, who was recorded screaming racial epithets and demanding that “all white people give up their @!$& homes and money and give it to black people now!” would be unanimously given a thumbs down. That it wasn’t is highly disturbing, and a clear sign of our times.

The fighter in me wants to insist that “the liberals had 8 years of policies enacted that conservatives had to cope with, and it’s our turn to show them the wonderful good that conservative principles can do for all, if only given a chance.” However, that just inflames the already heated atmosphere.

The weary part of me wants to pass along non-controversial pictures of funny pets and dinner recipes, and hide away from the raging debates. But if Christians won’t engage in the public discussions, are we ceding our voice of reason, and the ability to fight against our nation’s cultural and moral decay? Passivity and apathy are avenues to usher in tragedy, as seen in plenty of world horrors where good people did nothing to fight evil.

But, I wonder if there is another option?

One that invites differing opinions to be heard in an arena of open, respectful discussion; where labels are prohibited (as well as name calling and nasty language). Where thoughts are presented, with the underlying belief that everyone participating has our nation’s best interests at heart, and that one’s allegiance to and love of Jesus Christ isn’t debated, even if perspectives might be challenged, with kindness and cordiality.

That such a board of banter and thought, diverse yet fraught with – dare I say it?: Love, could exist, gives my heart a tug of hopefulness.

Perhaps, by adding a “water” such as Love to our clay, our opinions may form more gently, giving a chance to smooth those jagged edges away with which we have been slashing at one another, preventing the cuts that wound deeply, and instead, helping one another arrive at conclusions based on truth, justice, respect and love, as well as a willingness to wait patiently and prayerfully for one another as we walk this journey of life together. In fact, evidencing the fruit of lives that are controlled by the Holy Spirit –  of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.

In this age of rages and rants and rampages, imagine how much better it would be, how mutually beneficial and edifying (let alone, providing a model for our children!) to come up with a better way to conduct public discourse that is solidly built on a platform of respect, kindness and love.

Is it possible? I don’t know… but I am willing to try it and see.
I Corinthians 13:1-13

What do you think? Let’s talk – you know – between friends.

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Quirky Characters in The Family

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We’re all so different, aren’t we? I find it humorous to see how, though all from the same ‘root origins’, our own five kids are so unique. 

For example, if I am seeking guidance on something I’ve written, our beautiful daughter, Hannah, the eldest, will preface her thoughts by saying, “Ok mom, this is just my honest feedback, ok? I don’t want to hurt your feelings.” Then, with three more assurances of her dedication and love, she will be totally candid with me, offering praise along with some truly helpful advice.

Whereas our lovely daughter, Abby, second born, will say “Oh! I love it!” before I’ve even fully delivered it. She’s the one who uses emoji excessively (just like her mom – a fellow middle child.)  She doesn’t want to venture into an area that may even remotely come off as critical, a trait which I believe stems back to a minor life-forming event in her past – something I’ll share with you in a future post.

Then there’s Lydia. Our beautiful third daughter will give it a cursory glance and reply, “Hmmm, I don’t know. But what do you think of my new scarf?” She’s a delightful, witty girl who knows I highly value her opinion, so if I push just a little, she’ll give it up.

Next, our dear boys. Andrew, the older of the two will say with a bit of panic before he even reads it, “You’re not talking about me in here, are you?” He’s at that age where just bringing up his existence is grounds for embarrassment. But if you can get him to share, he has some amazing perceptiveness.

Finally our Noah, the youngest of our little tribe. Charming, delightful – so much like his mother – oops! Did I say that out loud? Well, we have similar interests, he and I.  He’ll read what I wrote, gladly offer a helpful bit of insight along with a hug, and run off to do something fun.  He is only 11 after all!

Each so unique. Each so uniquely gifted. Precious treasures from God’s hand to Mark and me.

Through the years as I’ve watched their personalities emerge, I’ve delighted in how awesomely creative God is, and it has served to remind me how diverse God’s family is as well.

If we have our ‘root origin’ – our faith placed squarely in Jesus’s work for us on the cross, we are in the Family of God.  Each with our own eccentricities, quirks, temperaments and perspectives. Each beloved by our Heavenly Father.

It gives me pause and reminds me: God wants us to work out our differences, give grace to one another and embrace the qualities each of us brings to our family of fellow believers.

I Corinthians 12:12 and 25, encourages us with these words, “The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ….so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.”

Do you find it easy to value other believers in your world who may hold differing viewpoints on non-sin issues, or is this an area of struggle for you? How can we spur one another on to let those differences among us become strengths that bind us instead of separating us? Let’s talk…you know – between friends.

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