A few things I have learned, sometimes the hard way, about resolving relational conflict:

Share

Recognize that time is short and none of us are promised tomorrow. Avoiding the person is not the same as reconciling. Stubbornly ignoring the problem could result in never getting back to a healthy relationship if we won’t take steps now. 🌿

“Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your heart…” Hebrews 3:15 

Try to see things from the other person’s perspective. Is it possible that in their shoes, you’d feel the same way? Have you considered how they arrived at their conclusion? Was a word misspoken or an action misunderstood? Communication is key, and simple clarification may resolve the entire thing. 🌿

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility and patience.” Colossians 3:12

We must not squander the gift of being able to ask God to help us. He longs for us to come to Him- He doesn’t want us languishing in broken relationships, and He alone can touch hearts. The first step we take should be that of getting down on our knees to send prayers up to God asking Him to do what only He can: soften our heart as well as the other person’s, asking His favor, grace and healing. 🌿

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.” I John 5:14 

Sometimes conflict is the result from being treated unfairly. Is there any lesson to be learned by going through an unjust hurt or trial? I believe so- it helps emphasize our own sin before a perfect and Holy God. It also can be a vehicle to build a deeper trust in God as we wait for Him to work on our behalf. 🌿

“Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the Lord and he will deliver you.” Proverbs 20:22

Recognize that we all have different perspectives and opinions. Non-essentials like preferences should not take precedence over unity, especially between followers of Christ. 🌿

“How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!” Psalm 133:1

If the conflict is between a believer in Christ and a non-believer, we cannot expect them to hold to our same beliefs. Pray for their salvation, knowing that the work of the Holy Spirit alone can adequately convict a person’s heart. 🌿

“The god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God” 2 Corinthians 4:4 

Believe the best about the other person. They’re not in our life for nothing. We all have redeeming qualities, as well as weaknesses. Choose not to fixate on their faults, just as we hope they don’t fixate on ours. 🌿

“A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” – Proverbs 19:11 

If at all possible, meet in person. Going the extra mile to meet face to face reflects a heart that is eager to seek reconciliation. Texting and phone calls don’t allow the mutual benefit of reading body language and expression, which can go far in helping convey not only repentance, but also sincerity and forgiveness. We cannot underestimate the ability to offer physical signs of affection. Hugs and handshakes offer their own powerful form of healing. 🌿. 

“So he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.” Luke 15:20 

Don’t deviate from the main point of the disagreement. Bringing up old hurts that have been dealt with will only cause more damage. Keep the past in the past and your eyes on the task in front of you: resolving the problem before the chasm between you grows. 🌿

“As much as it lies within you, be at peace with all men.” Romans 12:18

Own our part in the problem and leave room to admit it if we were wrong. Be willing to move into the space of humility and pray that the other person’s heart softens in response. 🌿

“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves…” Philippians 2:1-3 

Be eager to embrace the gift of apology. Being a Peacemaker is a beautiful thing in God’s sight. Even if the bulk of the fault lies with the other person, it will not hurt us to be the first to move toward apologizing and reconciliation; in fact, we will be blessed for doing so. 🌿

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Matthew 5:9 

Forgiveness is crucial. Do not dwell on what has been resolved. Move forward, grateful to have it behind you, and eager to look for ways to show evidence of a forgiving spirit. 🌿

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if anyone has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13 

Nurture what has been newly planted with care and tenderness. If a relationship has suffered, lavish it with gentleness and love, not allowing it to fall into disrepair again. 🌿

“Be kind one to another, tenderhearted and forgiving one another even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32

If the other person refuses to reconcile, accept it with graciousness, recognizing that such undemanding kindness may pave the way for a future day. Let them know you will patiently wait for them to be ready. Pray for them. Don’t speak poorly of them. Don’t grow bitter. Use the time while waiting to prepare for the day that hopefully they’ll be ready to talk. Show love and respect, and trust that God will work out the details in His time and His way. 🌿

“A hot tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.” Proverbs 15:18

 

Dear Lord, give us teachable hearts, and a commitment to do what is right. Generously pour on us a compassion for those that are also walking this journey of life. May we spill over with forgiveness since we ourselves have been forgiven much. Help us stay steady in trial, hopeful in hurt and anchored in our trust of You and Your plan for our lives. In the matchless name of Jesus, I pray, Amen 🌿🙏🏻

 

 

 

Share

Hope for the Hurting!

Share

Life is complex and complicated; evil flourishes, and trouble comes swiftly. The problems of today rarely resolve, but rather, they multiply, muddying the waters even further.

Thousands of mega problems crowd our daily newsfeed: what is the solution for the starvation crisis in Venezuela? What to do with the refugees fleeing war-torn countries? How to stop horrific sex trafficking, the drug epidemic, or the threat of worldwide terrorism? Is there an answer for abortion, corruption, or abuse; political disunity, bullying, or flagrant rebellion of authority in our nation? And what to do about vicious dictators of nations who misuse their power, bringing tremendous suffering on their own countrymen? Which battles to fight? Do we have some responsibility to fight for the plight of the weak and helpless, or is it all just too much? Compassion demands some sort of action, and yet… what to do?? … The endless list of twisted and tangled gargantuan issues leaves one reeling!

Sifting through all of these impossibly massive “macro level” problems, while coping at the same time with “micro level” problems – the individuals we each know who are languishing in their own personal agonies – battles with cancer, grief of familial suicide, loss, pain, disease, heartache and despair. How to walk alongside the many who are facing such overwhelming challenges?

And what about the more “minor” struggles – even for those not facing persecution, or poverty, death or disease, what to do with the heartache of errant children or loss of a job? Stress from bad relationships, or pain from the past? Disappointed hopes, dashed dreams or searching for significance?

The fact is, our entire world is groaning under the weight and curse of Sin, and there are no “simple solutions” that will automatically fix the consequences of it.

Overwhelm: to defeat completely; bury or drown beneath a huge mass.

So, is that it? Are there no answers to be found? Or is there some hope to escape the immense fallout from the depravity of sin and its devastating consequences?

Thankfully, yes!

Satan’s strategy is to leave us feeling overwhelmed, powerless and alone, but God’s solution has already been set into motion: the victory won by Jesus Christ when he sacrificed his life on the cross for All the sins of All of humanity for All time…and then rose again, victorious over death. Jesus conquered for us what we could not win for ourselves: Victory over death, and over the pull of sin on our lives. (I Corinthians 15:55-57)

Because God loves people so much, He made a way out from the bondage of sin and the hopelessness that every human being faces – Don’t believe the lie that all roads lead to God. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

We all like sheep have gone astray, we have turned – every one- to his own way, and the Lord has laid on Him (Jesus) the iniquity of us all. (Isaiah 53:6)

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. (Romans 6:23)

So for the person who puts their trust in the finished work of Jesus, there is a precious hope, and a peace that passes all understanding. (Philippians 4:7, Isaiah 26:3) More so, we are no longer bound by sin, and sin’s curse, but can live abundant and joy filled lives, despite the pain that surrounds us, knowing that God is working all things together for good for them who love Him and are called according to His purposes. (John 10:10, Romans 8:28, Galatians 5:22-23)

Our hope lies in a future place as we await Christ’s return, sharing the truth of this Good news with others while there is still time, and using every opportunity to show the love of Jesus to a dark and hurting world. (II Timothy 4:6-8, John 9:4)

If you like me, have put your faith in the shed blood of Jesus for your sins, but still find yourself struggling with the heartache of the consequences of sin (which we won’t fully escape until Heaven), I pray you find wonderful encouragement from this poem I published in my book, Still She Speaks:

What do you think when you see the plight

Of our fellow humans who suffer the blight

Of this earth and her troubles? Of pain and distress

Of disease and poverty, anguish and death? 

 

As they wander and ponder the meaning of life,

Observe all the scandal, partake of the strife, 

They can glimpse of the beauty that lies all around

But have no understanding, no footing, no ground

  

They persist in the cycle, but long to be free.

What must they think of you and of me,

When they see that true joy can exist in this place,

Despite all the trials and chaos and waste?

 

Are we fragrant? Inviting? Attractive? Or no?

Do we carry deep sorrow, and reek of the woe

That they long to escape? I must ask this dear friend:

Does your life reflect hope for a better end? 

 

Do we bask in God’s goodness despite earthly pain?

Trust that our Savior has a perfect plan?

Keep our eyes trained on heaven where eternity dwells?

Are we offering hope while the world offers hell? 

 

This world’s pains are hard, prolonged and deep,

But for those without Christ, it’s the best they will see.

Are we sharing our faith while there is still time? 

Or getting bogged down in the muck and the grime?

 

Are we resting in Him when the storm swirls around?

Clinging to Him when our enemies hound?

Running to Him when lonely and scared?

Praying and soaking our mind in His word?

 

Storing His scriptures away in our hearts,

When the enemy comes with his fiery darts?

Do we thank Him –yes, thank Him for allowing us pain

That would tether us to Him again and again?

 

This is difficult – no- an Impossible task –

Except we have Jesus to whom we can ask

To carry our burden and fix our eyes,

So our load becomes his   ~ he’s our fortress and prize!

 

Rejoice in the gifts that his love has bought!

Oh friend – this is big – has your heart been caught? 

We have The Answer, the Hope and the Key~

Are we sharing with prisoners that they can be free? 

 

Bondage and heartache should not be the plight

For the child of Jesus who is offered delight –

Yes – delight that our troubles though hard and so deep,

Are temporary afflictions – they will not keep!

 

Our hope lies in a future place

Where pain does not live, where sorrows cease.

Where tests and tears do not abound,

Where heartache and death cannot be found. 

 

Where His will is done and perfection reigns,

Where right does rule, and joy remains!

This place does exist and it’s free to the one

Who would come to the cross and believe in the Son

Who has paid all the debt we owe for our sin –

Impossible, yes – but not for Him! 

 

He’s building a mansion – working details out –

And soon He will come back with a shout!

And take us home to be with Him there –

Can you picture it friend? Are you fixing your stare

Toward the place we’ll reside forevermore?

 

No more death, or mourning, or crying or pain!

Where glory goes on and on and on.

Rejoice in this truth! And share it with men 

Who need to hear it again and again!

 

So I ask once more time: What does your life say?

Are you trusting in Jesus, or throwing it away?

Let’s get our eyes off our troubles, and our knees on the floor –

Seek Jesus – we’ll find Him…His grace ~ and much more! 

Share

Words of Wisdom

Share

A letter I wrote recently to my children (edited for length). I pray it is a blessing to you, as well. If you have some words of wisdom you’d like to share, I would love to hear from you! Let’s talk – you know – between friends. 🙂

My precious children ~

This world is confusing. Noisy with congestion of thought and opinions that make it hard at times to know truth from falsity. The newest revelations demand to be hailed; but ground your understanding in God’s truth, and it will guide you always.

You will make mistakes. That’s part of life. Learn from them, and they won’t have been wasted.

Water the flowers. Enjoy God’s beauty. Be wary of your own. Do not let vanity be your downfall. Do not get too caught up in pleasing yourself, but lavish on others.

Love. Like. Avoid. Never hate, unless it is directed at Sin, not Sinners. We all have need of compassion, forgiveness and second chances. Be sure to offer all.

Find comfort in knowing that God knows the truth. Always. About everything. It will free you from the urge to fix everybody and everything.

Spend time more carefully than you would gold – money can be earned, Time alone is parceled in lots that cannot be purchased.

Swift is the Unexpected – it comes rushing in… don’t fear, but make the most of what you’ve been given.

Be aware that jumping out to frighten people can come back to haunt you.

Laugh deliciously… the kind where you roll on the floor in tremendous mirth feels the very best.

Tears are not to be feared. Nor scorned. In fact, tears can release pent up emotions … allow yourself a periodic cleansing, if needed.

Don’t skimp on good sleep nor good food. They are the fuels that drive the human body.

Use wrinkle cream.

Regrets are best avoided by applying wisdom and good sense.

Having said that, don’t let past regrets dominate your present or your future. It’s a tremendous waste of time and energy. Learn and move on. God can use both good and bad to shape us, if we let Him.

Balance is best achieved by putting God first, and letting everything else fall into line behind Him.

Good dental and hygienic care will never be out of fashion. If they are, don’t you participate.

Learn to do activities you don’t think you’ll enjoy: spending time with those you love is worth sacrificing your own pleasures. And who knows? You may discover a new interest.

Take up a new hobby periodically… the world is spilling over with a magnificent array of activities to enjoy, and you will be a more interesting person.

Appreciate diversity. God in His glorious splendor made people unique… we all bring a fresh perspective.

Listen with a heart that aims to please God and love people.

Discussion is best done by listening well, then speaking if you have something worthwhile to add.

If you’re not sure if you should say something, go with that impulse. It’s easier to stay silent than to take back a hasty word.

Read good books. Enrich your mind.

Kindness is never wrong.

Don’t worry… it does no good and robs you of joy.

Live cleanly, but partake in small indulgences – denying all delights will not help you embrace the understanding of God’s lavishness. He made the cocoa bean just as He made broccoli.

Do a thorough clean out periodically- just give stuff away. It blesses others and releases you from the burden of having to care for so much.

Gain wisdom from God’s Word. Gain empathy from observing those hurting around you. If you are able to, alleviate the suffering of others. But recognize that God has His purposes in allowing pain in life, as well. His Sovereignty should be our comfort.

Be charitable, hospitable, loving and loyal.

Walk humbly.

Develop a few skills that you can quickly employ to bless others – a meal, a dessert, a Bible verse memorized, a stash of cards to mail- think and plan ahead.

Trust is a precious gift: do not trample any given to you.

Never be too rushed to see the beauty around you. Loveliness in all its forms come from God’s good hand. Let His poetry speak to your heart and the richness of His beautiful creation dazzle your soul.

Never be afraid to sing out loud and let your voice mingle with that of the angels.

Cultivate a myriad of interests that express your uniqueness and you will never be bored.

Keep an eye out for the lonely.

Simple action is better than eloquent emptiness.

Kindness to animals is a must.

Never harm others on purpose.

Live purposefully. Set goals. Aim for some things and don’t let naysayers deny you your dreams.

Embrace whimsy. It is a light hearted innocence that can turn dreary days into delight.

A sincere apology is quickly done. Asking forgiveness is the best way to discover if your apology was accepted.

Look people in the eye when you speak to them, but do not stare at those who are different from you.

Learn to see people’s hearts from their actions, before you judge based on their outside.

When you fail, do not quit. Attempting and failing is part of the human experience, and it brings more of a thrill to finally Succeeding.

Ask God’s guidance before you rise, for His mercy and loving kindness. Spend time daily with Him and marvel in the awesome fact that The Almighty wishes to have a relationship with us!

Wipe your feet at the door and save yourself unnecessary work.

Only find shortcuts that don’t jeopardize quality. Remember – Excellence in all you do- do not hasten. Don’t worry, God has already measured out all the days needed for you to get done whatever He’s called you to do, so take time to do things well and as unto Him.

Remember back to those who have helped you and acknowledge with affection all who walk alongside you. Take time to say Thank You. We are all on the journey- be patient.

Learn a few good jokes that can be pulled out as needed.

Make your bed each day. It will get you started in the right direction.

There is a difference in Being and Becoming. Being is how one is; becoming allows for growth and change… Be someone who is Becoming more like Jesus.

Use the time you’ve been given to share with others — if you’ve found something that brings a smile, or relief, hope or help, a joy or a sweet encouragement – share it. Keeping something for oneself alone can never bring the soul satisfaction that God designed that sharing can.

My final hope is this: knowing how much I love you and treasure the gift that parenting each of you has been, will you show me this last kindness and forget anything I may have said or done, that didn’t line up with these words here? My prayer is that you would see my heart for you, and forgive my foibles and shortcomings, remembering only the deep love I have for you, and that in your mind, you might preserve just the good, and with a gentle puff of breath, blow away any hurts that may linger from past foolishness on my part. Know this – I love you. I say to you now, if I could go back and do it all again, I would, with a hearty “Amen!”, and with great delight for such a chance as to relive this life with you, my precious ones.

Keep your chin up and your eyes fixed on Jesus, do not forget what you’ve been entrusted with – a heritage that points to Jesus as our only hope and Savior. Do not squander what you’ve been given. And remember this: we will glory in heaven together forever.
All my love to each of you– Mom

For the Lord is righteous, he loves justice; upright men will see his face. Psalm 11:7

Share