Broken by pain, mended by God

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Her confession that came to my ears delivered a crushing blow to my gut. Unsuspected. Unforeseen. Unbearable.

I was devastated.

Where could one even go from there? Where to find any hope? Any healing? 

The beginning of that journey brought me to my knees, renewed my trust in my Savior, and caused me to cling all the more to His Truths. Journaling was cathartic. And, it turned out, became the nugget at the core of a work of fiction, borne from our pain.

Still She Speaks, my first published work, was wrought from the discovery and the journey of healing that we went through with our precious daughter. God’s faithfulness surrounded us during those dreadfully dark months; my heart wavered between lamenting, and rejoicing. Some days, grief flooded hope. Other days, hope won. Pride toppled as I learned that even Love cannot forbid entry to sin. As a parent, I had to rethink the foundations of my trust – they’d been built on a flimsy platform of thinking “that couldn’t happen to us” and “my kids are doing great”. Truth came crashing in that day. And with it, the walls of pride fell down around me.

Oh – but HE is faithful! And together, we rebuilt my understanding of what it means to be a “Good Parent”. Instruction? Yes. Love? Certainly. But more than that – more than my modeling as best I could; more than serving and helping, praying and providing… Going deeper with God was a must. Trusting in His sovereign hand became my lifeline.

As I learned what it means to cling to Jesus, our daughter was also on her journey of healing and growing, and taking ownership of her own faith. As much as I wanted to – ached to! – have my ever deepening faith grafted into her own heart, I could not. It was something she was going to have to embrace on her own, and for herself. Thankfully, she did.

My journal sat on the shelf, successful in it’s initial goal of bringing me a sense of therapeutic healing. But in my spirit, I wondered, “Does God have a greater purpose in bringing us through this heartache? What if someone else can glean some encouragement from hearing this story?”

And so began the work that eventually became Still She Speaks. Overall, it is a work of fiction; certainly I draw a few things here and there to add the personal touches that make it mine; but mostly, it’s fiction. Excepting the core, the nugget that sits nestled in the middle of the story, poignantly reminding me that for all it’s highs and lows, characters and plots, joys, tears and sorrows – really, I guess, just like the timeline of life itself… we have a Hope, that the hurting world cannot understand. And His name is Jesus.

I pray that you are blessed hearing the back story of how this book came to be; and that you find tremendous blessing in reading my book. If you do, would you take a minute to share a word of how it ministered to you? Reviews left on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble.com are extremely helpful and very much appreciated! Thank you!

And if you have a word to share, or a journey you’ve been on that you have seen God’s faithfulness – let’s rejoice together! Or if you’re in the middle of a season of hurt, and need prayer – please leave a comment here – it would be my privilege to lift you up in prayer. (I won’t ever publish any comments that people prefer remain private – just mention it when you post)

May you be blessed, as we walk this journey of life, together. And let’s talk- you know – between friends.

 

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Spur One Another On

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I remember a time not too long ago, in my husband’s life, when he was really feeling down. Some doors that he had held hope in had closed with finality, and he was discouraged by his thinking that his was destined to be a road of drudgery from that point forward.

Feeling very defeated, he told me that he “thought he had disappointed God” with his life.

 Holding a drastically opposing view, I wanted to be sure he wasn’t buying into the lie that Satan would have loved to see him purchase, so I wrote him a letter, part of which I’m printing here.

 “My Precious Mark ~ How it hurts to see you struggling and feeling like you somehow haven’t pleased God with your life – I don’t think you could be further from the Truth!  God has some very specific things He asks of men – and you have tried to follow them with a clean heart before Him. How can you not see that God is well pleased with you and the choices you have made in your life to follow him and to walk uprightly before him, to stay pure and faithful, to provide for your family and to be a man of integrity?

 You’ve exceeded my dreams in the kind of husband you have been and father to our children – you have taught by word and deed how to live the fruit of the spirit – you are a man who has feared God, revered and honored him, and you have seen his hand of grace on your life because of it.

 I know you have unfulfilled dreams – but our journey isn’t done yet! Don’t quit so quickly – you never know what’s around the bend in life!

 God could surprise us with some very exciting plans to shake up our cozy little world and grab hold of some wonderful opportunities still – some marvelous chances to use the gifts, skills, interests and abilities He has given us to use them for His Glory!

 I know this – as Paul said in Philippians 3:13-14, “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

 How grateful I am that you have a heart that seeks after Godliness – how good has been to “run this race” with you by my side! Don’t get caught up in the traps that the world does my darling! We have a higher calling ~ with a much greater destiny ~ and best of all, God will be our strength to carry us through the heartaches of this life, and help us to grow and be stretched through them, to become more like His Son.

 You are my love, my delight, my gift from the very hand of God and I cherish you!

 Do not lose hope! Do not give up! Let’s keep running this race together – let’s press on, looking to see how else God may use hearts willing to live dangerously for Him!

I want my life to have zeal for him – to take a risk, be more willing to leave my comfort zone and trust Him to provide all we need!

 I don’t know exactly what that looks like, but I’m willing to pray about it, that God might use us – together – to do some wonderful things for His Kingdom and for His good Pleasure!

 You have so much to offer, Mark! Tremendous insight and wisdom, wonderful leadership qualities – God has given you much to use for Him – do not grow weary in doing good – Press on! Push forward! Keep on keeping on – and let’s see together what else God has in store for we who love him and are called according to His purposes at work in us!

 Thank you for making godly choices Mark – you’ve blessed our whole family in ways you may never fully know till Heaven ~ I count you as my most beloved friend. Sarah”

Life can be overwhelming ~ it’s full of twists and turns, unexpected disappointments and difficult burdens ~ That’s why as believers in Christ, we need to remind each other where our true hope lies! This life is short – it isn’t all there really is – reminds me of a song I wrote ~ Praying it encourages your heart to keep it’s focus where it belongs ~ on Christ and the Eternity that is in store for those who call themselves His followers!

Eternity is Coming

This life is short-it isn’t all there really is

So much lies ahead, for those who are His

Don’t hold on so tight to the dreams we have here ~

This world and its sorrows will one day disappear ~

 

Eternity is coming and it’s full of Hope!…. Joy!… Dreaming, doing, fulfilling and pursuing ~ Christ! No loss! No pain! All gain! We really can’t imagine!

So Don’t! Lose! Hope!

Hold on! Just wait! We’re nearly at the gate!

 

Am I growing and investing in the things I’ll take with me?:

Other people, love and joy, godliness and harmony?

Persisting in my troubles and allowing God to shape me through their pain?

To teach me more, his all-sufficient grace….

 

Eternity is coming and it’s full of Hope!…. Joy!… Dreaming, doing, fulfilling and pursuing ~ Christ! No loss! No pain! All gain! We really can’t imagine!

So Don’t! Lose! Hope!

Hold on! A little more ~ We’re nearly at the door!

 

Am I choosing to be joyful in what Christ has done for me?:

Giving his own life for payment so that sinners can go free ~

Or do I keep getting caught up in the miseries and trials that won’t last?

This time is almost past!

 

Eternity is coming and it’s full of Hope!…. Joy!… Dreaming, doing, fulfilling and pursuing ~ Christ! No loss! No pain! All gain! We really can’t imagine!

So Don’t! Lose! Hope!

Hold on! Don’t quit! Just cling to Jesus!

 

Am I using what I have now to make my foundation strong?

Sharing riches, loving others, choosing rightly over wrong?

Am I working toward the future, taking hold of The Life that is truly life?

It’s almost here!

 

Eternity is coming and it’s full of Hope!…. Joy!… Dreaming, doing, fulfilling and pursuing ~ Christ! No loss! No pain! All gain! We really can’t imagine!

So Don’t! Lose! Hope!

Hold on! Just wait! We’re nearly at the gate!

 

A breath ~ A wisp ~ A vapor and it’s gone…

It won’t be long ~ hold on ~ Cling to Jesus and hold on…

 

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Burdened or Buoyant?

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When I was much younger (18…ok, much, much younger) I got in a car accident in which I hit a pedestrian. It was icy, he was walking on the side of a fairly busy road and I hit a patch of black ice.

My car was spinning very sluggishly – the whole thing felt like it was playing in slow motion so that by the time I actually made contact with him, I more or less “pushed” him into a ditch heavily filled with snow (I recall seeing his face very briefly through the glass staring dazedly at me as he hung onto the hood of my car before landing in the ditch.) Certainly scary – for both of us!

During the questioning for the deposition with the attorneys (which was agonizing) I was asked, “What happened to the car when you steered it to the right?”

I nervously and truthfully answered, “My back end came around and got in front of my front end.”

Now, this made sense to me. It still does. It is precisely what happened.

My parents received a copy of the transcript in the mail. You’d be surprised how much laughter has been generated in my family from that one small statement. It has been brought out at holiday gatherings and told to coming generations; it may as well be stamped across my forehead it’s so embedded into my history.

I laugh right along with everyone; seeing it in black and white made it sound a lot more funny than the day I said it in front of a room full of strangers where I sat worried over the unknown of my future. (It turned out ok; there was an eyewitness who saw the whole thing and the man checked out perfectly fine at the hospital.)

 I’m so glad that God in his grace allows us to build onto his legacy – He lets us be called wonderful things – like “Christ follower” and “Child of the King” and “Joint Heirs with Christ”… Our identity in Christ, if we’ve accepted his free gift of salvation, is our greatest label, our finest possession – the best thing we can be known for and triumph in!

“Colossians 1:10-14, “And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”

Oh dear reader ~ Has your heart caught the truth of this? This is incredible really! That we are share in God’s inheritance ~ just for our obedience to Him?! Wow! It reminds me of a poem I wrote…I will share next time.

Meanwhile, are you living with burden or buoyancy? Are you buried under the stresses of life and unable to see yourself how God sees you if you are one of his? Or are you living with joy filled steps, walking forward excitedly in all the delight that comes with being a child of the King? Let’s talk…you know – between friends.

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Better than Batman!

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Looking back over some of my old writings, I chuckled with the wonderful memories; grateful for the gift of family. I thought I’d share one of them here, with the hope that you enjoy it as well, dear reader:

 “A superhero lives in our home. He has incredible powers that my children swoon over. He can hoist them up near the ceiling to reach the gum that got stuck up there; he can carry them long distances on his shoulders without groaning or collapsing. He can even swing and twirl two of them at a time for hours of non-stop fun!

 No matter what Herculean effort I have made toward being a cool, “with-it” mom all day long, when he strides through our door at the days end, his entrance is ushered in with great celebration and festivity.

 They usually attack him while he is still standing on the red carpet rolled out solely for his arrival.

 Is it any wonder that he is greeted in such fashion? He considers a bag of Oreo’s, a can of soda and a vitamin to be a balanced lunch. Rides, games and fun-till-you-puke are the way of the day when he is home.

 I really don’t mind, in fact, I too am impressed by his magnificence; (though at times I do wish he’d learn how to hang up his own superhero cape.)

 His super power stamina greatly exceeds mine, so on occasion, he will watch the wee ones while I mingle with friends for a night out.”

 How blessed we are to have such a dad and husband! He takes to heart the commands in Philippians 2, “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”

I want to be sure I take the time to thank them for the very gift from the hand of God they are to me, and to thank our Lord in Heaven for his grace in giving me such a gift!

Do you have someone like that in your life today? Someone who is such an abundant blessing and joy to you?

Let’s talk…you know – between friends.

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