Overlooking Offense

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I was at a meeting at our church to help mediate between two dear friends who just needed the opportunity to let God restore their hearts towards one another.

I had prepared my heart with the verse, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; It is to one’s glory to overlook an offense,” found in Proverbs 19:11, which I never even needed to pull out, since my friends both entered the room eager to make amends and restore their fellowship.

Ah, what a sweet blessing to be part of and a beautiful reconciliation to behold!

After our meeting, while still in the church building, I decided to try to find the closet where our ministry of Compassion keeps clothing for our Safe Families ministry. The closet had recently been moved, and I had no idea where to find it. My family was taking in a four-month old baby the next day, and I needed baby boy clothes for what could be a 4-8 week placement.

Finding the Pastor of Compassion, he kindly volunteered to hunt down the building services manager, while I waited nearby.

Neither of them realized that, though I couldn’t see either of them, I could overhear the conversation between their phones echoing in the hallways near where I was waiting. One of them was on a speaker: “Ok. This really isn’t a very convenient time. Doesn’t she realize we have Kids Camp going on this week?” “Yeah, I understand, and I’m sorry. Could you maybe just meet her and let her in to the storage area?” A pause. “Yeah, sure. Send her over.”

My first thought, to my shame, was indignant pride. “Here we are trying to help this single mom and take in her baby. I can’t help that I need to get some of the clothes we keep here for this very purpose, and that they’re kept behind locked doors. The baby is coming tomorrow.”

“It is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.”

The verse that I had taken note of to share earlier with my friends popped into my mind.

I felt embarrassed. Of course I should have thought of the fact that the Building Services crew were probably overworked with tons of extra jobs with over 1,000 kids doing their fun activities all over the building.

What if that was the verse my brother in Christ was thinking of regarding me, and what probably appeared as my own selfish insensitivity? He didn’t know about the baby coming into our home. He had no idea how our ministry worked; that the clothing I needed was in bins behind locked doors, to which he held the key.

He was helping me out by opening the door, and rather than seeing it from his perspective, I had been consumed with my own.

“It is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” How often could we put this verse to use just within the space of a day? Many times, for sure! Assuming the best of one another, not seeking to find offense in the minor things that Satan would love to use to divide us. Being willing to overlook unintended ‘offenses’…it is to one’s glory not to focus on those and needlessly squeeze hurt from them.

God’s humor wasn’t lost on me as I thought about how I had readied my mind with that verse, intending to use it as a word of counsel for my friends, finding instead that God used it for my own heart that needed correcting!

“Forgive me, Lord, for my heart that is so selfish and easily offended. Please help me to more readily overlook offense, and to be grateful for those that overlook my offenses against them, too. In the power and precious Name of Your Son, Jesus, I ask, Amen.”

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Daring to trust God’s Sovereignty

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Gone must be any discouragement that would cause us to forget God’s sovereignty over human affairs.

Instead, can we grasp the fact that other people simply cannot thwart God’s plan for our lives?
If He has called us to something, not only will He equip us, we can be sure that He will also provide the entry point needed for us to carry it out. If we are following His calling and lead, we need to learn to hear His quiet, “not now” within mere man’s louder, “No!”.

One of the things that must have spurred Joseph on while unfairly imprisoned for a crime he didn’t commit, was the vision God had granted him many years earlier, that remained yet unfulfilled.

While he grew in his trust of a faithful God, who made sure that the normal punishment (death) for Joseph’s “crime” (of which he was innocent and therefore unfairly imprisoned) was not enacted, he must also have grown in his certainty that God would provide the way out, in His own flawless timing. And the way OUT of prison, was the way IN to a position of prominence – just as God had foretold… because God is the Master orchestrator.

We too, though not relying on visions or prophetic utterances, can have the same certainty, and trust that God, who is eternally faithful, omnipotent and sovereign, will also work all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to HIS purpose. (Romans 8:28)

2 Chronicles 16:9 tells us that, “The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” The question then is: is my heart fully committed to Him? Are God’s priorities my priorities? Do I have a heart eager to be used by Him, for His glory, and to let my life be a light by which this dark world can’t help but notice? We must be vigilant in keeping an Eternal perspective, and not let ourselves get wearied by this world’s woes, nor let the weakness of our flesh tempt us toward failing and falling away from God. On our own we are all failures and frauds – but WITH Christ? We can do ALL things through His power at work in us. The key is staying fully committed and obedient to Christ, putting to death the deeds of the flesh, and fleeing the temptations of this world.

God has certain jobs for us to do, and He is more than able to set aside anyone else’s denial of the gifts and abilities that He has assigned each of us for His own purposes and pleasure, and to work His good where it looks “impossible.” In fact, I believe He enjoys showing evidence of His inescapable omnipotence and sovereignty in the face of seemingly impenetrable obstacles on behalf of those who love Him.

So even in the greatest of trials let us not be tempted to diminish His love for us, or His sovereignty over all situations, but instead let’s pray that He helps us fully surrender to His desire to use all that He allows in our lives as vehicles to display His power, grace, sufficiency and love.

“Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?” Jeremiah 32:27

The next time we are tempted to feel discouraged from a lack of impact or use of a spiritual gift that God has afforded us, let’s remember just Who is in control.

And keep in mind: the best posture from which to watch God move mountains is on our knees, as we ask Him to.

He is waiting for us to come to the realization that He delights in our trust of Him! So let’s hasten to deepen our trust in the fertile ground of His faithfulness, so that He can display His work in our lives all the more as we step out in obedience. Let’s begin praying for marvelous things in the Only Mighty Name – that of Jesus- then stand back! And watch the hand of our loving Lord carry out what only He can! 🙌🏼🌿

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A few things I have learned, sometimes the hard way, about resolving relational conflict:

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Recognize that time is short and none of us are promised tomorrow. Avoiding the person is not the same as reconciling. Stubbornly ignoring the problem could result in never getting back to a healthy relationship if we won’t take steps now. 🌿

“Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your heart…” Hebrews 3:15 

Try to see things from the other person’s perspective. Is it possible that in their shoes, you’d feel the same way? Have you considered how they arrived at their conclusion? Was a word misspoken or an action misunderstood? Communication is key, and simple clarification may resolve the entire thing. 🌿

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility and patience.” Colossians 3:12

We must not squander the gift of being able to ask God to help us. He longs for us to come to Him- He doesn’t want us languishing in broken relationships, and He alone can touch hearts. The first step we take should be that of getting down on our knees to send prayers up to God asking Him to do what only He can: soften our heart as well as the other person’s, asking His favor, grace and healing. 🌿

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.” I John 5:14 

Sometimes conflict is the result from being treated unfairly. Is there any lesson to be learned by going through an unjust hurt or trial? I believe so- it helps emphasize our own sin before a perfect and Holy God. It also can be a vehicle to build a deeper trust in God as we wait for Him to work on our behalf. 🌿

“Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the Lord and he will deliver you.” Proverbs 20:22

Recognize that we all have different perspectives and opinions. Non-essentials like preferences should not take precedence over unity, especially between followers of Christ. 🌿

“How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!” Psalm 133:1

If the conflict is between a believer in Christ and a non-believer, we cannot expect them to hold to our same beliefs. Pray for their salvation, knowing that the work of the Holy Spirit alone can adequately convict a person’s heart. 🌿

“The god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God” 2 Corinthians 4:4 

Believe the best about the other person. They’re not in our life for nothing. We all have redeeming qualities, as well as weaknesses. Choose not to fixate on their faults, just as we hope they don’t fixate on ours. 🌿

“A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” – Proverbs 19:11 

If at all possible, meet in person. Going the extra mile to meet face to face reflects a heart that is eager to seek reconciliation. Texting and phone calls don’t allow the mutual benefit of reading body language and expression, which can go far in helping convey not only repentance, but also sincerity and forgiveness. We cannot underestimate the ability to offer physical signs of affection. Hugs and handshakes offer their own powerful form of healing. 🌿. 

“So he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.” Luke 15:20 

Don’t deviate from the main point of the disagreement. Bringing up old hurts that have been dealt with will only cause more damage. Keep the past in the past and your eyes on the task in front of you: resolving the problem before the chasm between you grows. 🌿

“As much as it lies within you, be at peace with all men.” Romans 12:18

Own our part in the problem and leave room to admit it if we were wrong. Be willing to move into the space of humility and pray that the other person’s heart softens in response. 🌿

“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves…” Philippians 2:1-3 

Be eager to embrace the gift of apology. Being a Peacemaker is a beautiful thing in God’s sight. Even if the bulk of the fault lies with the other person, it will not hurt us to be the first to move toward apologizing and reconciliation; in fact, we will be blessed for doing so. 🌿

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Matthew 5:9 

Forgiveness is crucial. Do not dwell on what has been resolved. Move forward, grateful to have it behind you, and eager to look for ways to show evidence of a forgiving spirit. 🌿

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if anyone has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13 

Nurture what has been newly planted with care and tenderness. If a relationship has suffered, lavish it with gentleness and love, not allowing it to fall into disrepair again. 🌿

“Be kind one to another, tenderhearted and forgiving one another even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32

If the other person refuses to reconcile, accept it with graciousness, recognizing that such undemanding kindness may pave the way for a future day. Let them know you will patiently wait for them to be ready. Pray for them. Don’t speak poorly of them. Don’t grow bitter. Use the time while waiting to prepare for the day that hopefully they’ll be ready to talk. Show love and respect, and trust that God will work out the details in His time and His way. 🌿

“A hot tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.” Proverbs 15:18

 

Dear Lord, give us teachable hearts, and a commitment to do what is right. Generously pour on us a compassion for those that are also walking this journey of life. May we spill over with forgiveness since we ourselves have been forgiven much. Help us stay steady in trial, hopeful in hurt and anchored in our trust of You and Your plan for our lives. In the matchless name of Jesus, I pray, Amen 🌿🙏🏻

 

 

 

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